1 - Captive

      Darkness. That's the first thing I realized. I wasn't sure if I was locked somewhere in my own personal hell of paralyzation or if I was in true Purgatory. Pain. It's what followed quickly behind darkness and made me realize paralyzation would have been a welcomed friend. I tried to gather my thoughts to figure out just what had happened to me to get myself into the state of consciousness I was in. My head was throbbing. My ribs ached and when I breathed in it felt like a hot poker was gauging my left side. I instinctively reached for my head and quickly noticed my hands were bound. From what I could tell by rubbing my face against my wrists, I was being held imprisoned by zip ties. I tried to move my legs and realized they too were immobile and tied together. I leaned my head back against the cool hard surface that I sat against and pondered my state. I needed to get out of this predicament.  That's when it hit me. Fear. The memories of my previous days flooded my mind and I went as rigid as a board. Panic quickly whirled up inside me and it took all I had not to scream as I fought back the tears that swelled up and started to sting my eyes. I was going to die. That was the one thing I was sure of.  Within hours I would be snuffed out like a candle wick. My heart pounded inside my chest as I started to hyperventilate, ignoring the pain in my ribcage. This was going to be torturous. The mear thought of what I was going to go through numbed me like ice. It would be so much worse than what I was already feeling. I wanted to sob; to break the ties and run. Anything. But it was no use and I knew that. I slowly took in a deep breath and closed my eyes. I needed to find a happy place. A warm spot that could ground me. I needed something that could give me strength to welcome death gladly when the time came. It seemed useless but I had to try. I took another deep breath and cleared my mind and welcomed the warmth of my first clear thought. I could see his face in mind as clearly as if he was standing before me. His dark hair glistened as the sun danced rays off of the water that clung to his tan skin. His coco brown eyes were soft and understanding as he came near me and I could see little droplets of water hanging on his long eyelashes. He smiled his biggest smile at me and that was when it all came crashing down. The tears started again, but this time they silently ran down my face. I would never see that beautiful smile again. I would never know what it would be like to kiss his beautiful full lips. It was all in the past now, just like the rest of my life. All eighteen years of it. Gone. Just like that. He was the one good thing this trip to Belize had gotten me. He was my best memory.
     "Ikan," I whispered softly into the darkness. But, there was no one there to hear it.